“We want them to be more independent.” It is one of the first things parents say when I ask what brings them to coaching. The truth is, that is one of the first things I hear from the children, too! So, why are they sitting on my couch? Because parents often see independence is a decision.
“I have done IT for you long enough. Now, it is time for you to do IT yourself.”
The truth is independence is not something to be handed over. Independence related to daily life skills is something that must be built.
The foundation of independence is a set of clearly defined expectations. These expectations must be consistent between parents and developmentally appropriate. They have to communicated to the child – often – even written down perhaps. This is usually the point where most parents turn over all responsibility to their children. Let’s be honest. This rarely yields the desired results.
Parents must take the critical next steps of making sure their child has a process that will help them meet those expectations. Write that down, too! Again parents, you are not finished. Now you have to support them in using this process until it becomes a skill first and continue that support until it becomes a habit. I call it learning through successful repetitions. This is how children grow to confident independence.
If you are tired of nagging your child to get things done and would like to learn more about how to help your child become more independent, CLICK HERE and enroll in Chaos Free Family.
Current Chaos Free Family participants can LOGIN and learn more about this concept in the Progressive Independence lesson.
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